Ten Things That I Suggest We Stop Doing

Lest anyone think that I, for even one moment, assume I am in any position to suggest anything for anyone, I humbly share the following goals, sort of as a rough top ten, that I have been working toward for a while.  If you find something in here that might work for you, feel free to try it and let me know how it works out.  Some are tried and true, but there is a reason that phrase is one of my favorite cliches, it says it all.

1. STOP judging others. This is a biggie. To paraphrase the golden rule, maybe a good test is, “would I like to be judged the way I am judging her/him?” So, lately I have been TRYING to judge people internally almost as if I was forced to give them a compliment aloud.  Last week it was for the young, able bodied pedestrian who took an inordinately long time to cross the street in what looked like deliberate slow motion while I, running late to a doctor appointment,  was waiting to turn. I found the thought, “wow, she has really nice hair.” It’s like you are pretending to yourself you are a nice person, and it somewhat works. Sometimes.
2. STOP spending time with toxic people. This is very hard if that toxic person is a co-worker or, even worse, boss, or if the toxic person is someone with whom you share bloodlines or living quarters. But recognizing the toxicity is the beginning of at least drawing yourself some healthy boundaries.
3. STOP blaming other people or circumstances for your unhappiness.  Clear and simple and unoriginal—that’s all I got. I know I am making progress when I realize my brain, and my mouth, are coming out with complaints just a little bit less often.
4. STOP thinking anybody has all the answers, including you. One of my favorite screenwriters, William Goldman (he wrote The Princess Bride and Butch Cassidy, do we need to know more?) had an oft-quoted line about the film business, which was “Nobody knows anything.” The rest of the quote goes on, “Not one person in the entire motion picture field knows for a certainty what’s going to work.  Every time out it’s a guess and, if you’re lucky, an educated one.”  Goldman was letting fellow writers in on the secret that you can’t assume they know more than you. As an artist, you may actually know more. So, yeah, while we stumble around looking for answers it’s important to remember that nobody has all of them, and be wary of anyone who pretends to.  Most of us have very few, if any.
5. STOP wondering what people think of you. Just wonder about what YOU think of you. Be kind, but fair.  Hold yourself accountable but also cut yourself some slack,  and everything else will work out. Well, most of it.
6. STOP expecting anyone to truly understand whatever heartache or even joy you are experiencing, but deeply appreciate it if they do, or even if they just try really hard.
7. STOP ignoring your skin.  This has recently been a revelation to me, if you spend time and money (and frankly, more time than money) your skin can really benefit. Like, um, a LOT. My twenty-something daughter taught me this, but somehow her skin looks dewy and radiant and mine looks, well, a bit better. But, no matter what age you start, it’s worth it but if you are under forty, be so happy you are reading this now.  It’s a few more minutes at night doing serums and masks and generally making sure your skin is getting care, not just cleansed. This is an interesting cultural thing, western women, with all of the messages we receive about the uber-importance of our appearance and our ability to be seen as attractive, (imagine if Hilary went out on the stump with Bernie’s hair “style,” people would deem her literally crazy) we somehow got this puritan message that you are basically supposed to just wash your face, maybe moisturize it and apply sunscreen in certain climates.  Going through the kind of elaborate rituals that are common in many other parts of the world (definitely Asia, but not just Asia) is somehow…unseemly?  At least I got that, my mom was a Ponds Cold Cream kind of girl. When I started using Clinique in my twenties it was a revelation for her. But I gotta say, my daughter, along with millions of other women, is right.  Ths is the only thing on this list which I feel entitled to be less humble about. In other words, FOLLOW THIS ADVICE.
8. STOP procrastinating, and I am not talking about cleaning out the garage, I am talking about stuff that gives you a big JOY return on your investment, like walking anywhere near natural water,  or spending time with a baby or even just ducking out from your life, if possible, to catch an afternoon movie matinee. Today is often the best day to do anything,or nothing, and you definitely don’t need to wait until you have company. Because you actually already have the best company possible, unless of course you have a dog with you.
9.  STOP living in denial, you really are what you eat. If you want to stop feeling like crap, stop eating it.  At the very least, for me, it’s a good place to start.
10. STOP Trump. Sorry, couldn’t help myself.